You don’t have to accept the box others put you in
Alfonso Ribeiro: When Holding on Becomes the Setback
In my mind, he will forever be Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I can’t even remember what his real name is without Googling it—Carlton is so ingrained in my memory. Yet, the other day, I saw a post where he claimed the role ruined his acting career.
A quick search online shows that Alfonso is actually successful in his own right as a host, presenter, and director. Maybe acting wasn’t his best strength, and that’s okay. Perhaps he didn’t push hard enough for it, or his standards didn’t align with the industry’s. As some of the comments pointed out, Will Smith, the troubled streetwise teenager, went on to be a success.
Could it be the narrative pushed on them? A Black person has to be a little rough around the edges, with a backstory of struggle, trouble, and the need to be rescued. With the exception of Will Smith (who literally didn’t even change his name in the show—how’s that for tight casting?), did any of the Banks family go on to become A-listers? Or maybe they just didn’t desire that lifestyle?
My comment on the post:
”…[H]e’s best known as Theo from the Cosby Show but did so much more. Surrender or fight, the choice is ultimately in the hands of the beholder.”
Malcolm Jamal-Warner: When Letting Go Becomes the Breakthrough
Contrary to one reply, I’m under no illusion about which roles Malcolm and Alfonso played (I don’t think they all look alike). Both shows are part of my childhood. One could be described as a far-fetched aspiration, while the other was a more obtainable goal.
The example highlights how two clearly defined roles, which lingered long after filming, were handled in different ways. Both seem to have struggled with the weight of their individual identities being tied so closely to the fictional characters they portrayed. This is something MJW discussed when he took a stand to move away from his iconic role.
To some, Theo Huxtable will always be who he is, because that’s how he was introduced. The credits are for casting directors, family and wooning admirers.
It wasn’t until his recent passing that I learned MJW had a podcast, directed and was also a musician. When I saw him in a promotion for The Resident, I thought, “Ah, Theo has come out of retirement.” A different era now has me recognising him as Theo, who’s grown into “The Raptor”.
Cas Johnson: When Living Outside the Narrative Becomes the Strategy
Let me bring this closer to home.
I’m from Moss Side, Manchester, a place often written off because of its reputation for trouble and crime. Growing up there, I faced a lot of assumptions about who I would become. People had expectations about me, about what I could achieve, what path I could take, and what I should sound like.
When I got my degree, completed the solicitors course(LPC), earned a master’s, and held down a professional job, I shattered those assumed expectations. What really throws people is when a person doesn’t fit the stereotype.
The reality is, I’m not “supposed” to be here. I’m not supposed to sound “polished” or be in a professional space. People expect someone from my background to stay in their box, to fit into the narrow narrative of struggle, survival, and limitation.
Guess what? We all get to define our own roles. If I had accepted those labels, I would’ve been confined to a story that wasn’t mine. I would have been stuck in the box that others had built for me.
In business, letting go in leadership means rejecting those external expectations. It’s about showing up on your own terms, regardless of the narrative others want to place on you. It’s about defining your path and creating an environment where everyone has the freedom to do the same.
Ethical Leadership Pillar in HouseRules
Rewriting the Story as a Business Owner
That’s why HouseRules is about more than just setting policies; it’s about breaking free. It’s about letting go in leadership by creating a space where rebelliousness meets accountability. Where both leaders and team members have policy clarity and are empowered to define their own paths, take ownership of their talents, and move forward with purpose.
Just like I’ve chosen my own path, rejecting the boxes people tried to put me in, I’ve built a business that embodies this philosophy. I’m not famous, but I’m known for my decision to step out of conventional roles and create something new, grounded in ethics. That’s why I’ve become The Ethical Strategist.
But I’m not alone in this journey.
What's Really Holding You Back?
Take Malcolm Jamal-Warner, for example. He had the world watching him as Theo Huxtable, but instead of letting that role define him, he chose to step away. He recognised that he was more than the character he portrayed and carved out his own path as a musician, podcaster, and actor. He didn’t settle for what others expected him to do. He took accountability for his own journey and found new ways to show up in the world.
Then, we have Alfonso Ribeiro. Like many small business owners, Alfonso has at times held onto a limiting belief about what defined his success. When he said that playing Carlton “ruined” his acting career, he was, in a way, clinging to one part of his story and letting it define the whole. What he didn’t fully acknowledge is that success has come to him in many forms: hosting, presenting and directing. His story is about realising that one chapter doesn’t define the entire narrative.
The One Thing You Need to Let Go Of
For small business founders, this is a crucial lesson. Tightly gripping onto one part of the business that feels like a failure, i.e. a team issue, a financial struggle, or a missed opportunity, to then think that it defines everything.
The HouseRules method is to bring about the recognition that it’s time to let go of that one thing holding the business owner back. It encourages the business founder to see the bigger picture, the strengths, the potential, and the success already present within the business.
When you let go and make peace with what serves you, like MJW did, you can move forward and start building on what’s already working. Your business isn’t defined by one challenge, which keeps you stuck with the bitter aftertaste like Alfonso. It’s about taking ownership, moving on from setbacks, and embracing new possibilities.
Breaking Free and Leading with Accountability
Leadership mindset isn’t about clinging to past narratives; it’s about creating the space for growth, evolution, and clarity. The moment you let go of what’s holding you back, whether it’s one setback, a failed strategy, or an outdated belief, you create the opportunity to move forward. That’s what HouseRules is designed to support you in breaking free from the boxes others try to put you in, and define your own success on your terms with policy clarity.
As a leader, it’s time to stop letting the old story dictate the future. It’s time to embrace the bigger picture, the strengths, the potential, and the untapped opportunities already within your business. The power to move forward is in your hands.
From Labels to HouseRules Ethical Leadership
Letting go in leadership is to release what’s no longer serving you. Hover with me. We’ll dig deep, identify the real issues that are holding your business back, to clarify and refine your policies and procedures to build understanding, confidence, and the transformation needed to move ahead.
Let's Get Your Business Moving
Just like the hummingbird, I’ll guide you in. We’ll pinpoint the root causes, take action, and ensure that you’re ready to soar once you leave with your renewed sense of purpose and strategy. When the time comes to move forward, I’ll be there, offering insight when needed, and then leaving you with the clarity to take flight.